Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
