I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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