gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
