but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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