I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
