I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
