Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
