You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
