Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
