I got chris browned last night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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