New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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