Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
