I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
