Will you blow on my dice?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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