i think my mom watched the whole time
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
