Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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