So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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