i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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