Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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