11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
