omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
