Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
