WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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