I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
