Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
