i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
