I just saw a hot homeless man
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
