If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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