I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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