No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
