He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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