I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
