I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
