You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
