i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
dude. I can hear the air.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
