I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
