Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
