Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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