Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize