I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
