i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
