i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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