i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
