Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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