I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
