; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
