Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
