my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
