If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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