fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
