my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
